(Wrote this about two weeks ago on Sept. 30)
I had a good weekend. A great one, actually. I was on boarding house duty Saturday. That morning, I woke up and drove seven students to a car wash fundraiser event while the remaining four boarders had the morning on their own. While the kids were washing cars or doing whatever unattended teenagers do, I joined a group of local authors for a writing circle. The group is called Maui Writers Ink. I found them on Facebook before I moved, and finally connected with some of its members during a Friday night art walk a couple weeks ago. Saturday morning marked the first meeting to which I received an invitation.
During the meeting, I enjoyed coffee, an assortment of nuts, a slice of strawberry angel food cake, and the company of six older women. (Lauren, if you’re reading this, shut up about me fitting in just fine! Even though you’re right =). I shared some of my backstory as a writer, read some of my work, and received feedback and ideas for publishing. Super productive! In turn, I also contributed my own ideas to others’ work, offering direction and revision. It was a wonderful way to spend three hours of my day on duty. The meeting also lent itself to a project team I’m hoping to lead at my school – a five-week intensive workshop for aspiring authors.
As Saturday went on, I took the boarders to lunch, spent time in my now air-conditioned bedroom, took the boarders to dinner, then crashed before lights out. Close to midnight, I emerged from my hole to make sure everyone was back by curfew and that the house didn’t look like Armageddon. It didn’t, and I went back to sleep.
This day was important. It showed me that with proper time management, I can do my own thing while being responsible for kids. In other words, I reclaimed some of my personal life, the loss of which was looking more and more like a deal breaker if I could not resolve that situation. I wasn’t getting any help from anyone beyond listening to me process (gripe about) the situation. So, even though I worked Friday and Saturday, I didn’t feel like I was at work the whole time. Hopefully the situation remains the same, and I might consider living in the boarding house for another year.
Sunday also unfolded productively. I went to church and joined the choir, and I’ll probably join the parish as well (Maria Lanikila). The Seahawks won, and I watched the game at my neighborhood bar with about 20 other Hawks fans. Somebody bought my drinks. I shared my pizza with them. While it wasn’t the same as watching the game with my family or Moonshine or the Whistler Crew, it was better than watching alone. After going home victorious, I gave myself a buzz cut, played some basketball under the increasingly tolerable sun, snorkeled for about 45, then returned home to cook dinner. Caught the sunset too. It was a very good day.
I notice that I’m not defecting to the Wailuku side of the island as often as I did in the first couple of months. That’s a good sign that I’m settling. It feels weird to say that, because I never had intentions of ‘settling’ in Maui, or even Hawaii. I definitely wanted to get away from Seattle for a bit and experience all the challenges of living somewhere else, completely isolated. But I don’t want to get too comfortable. It’s a form of premeditated self-sabotage which goes against one of my essential life principles: “Go where the heart leads me.” I mean, what if my heart does plant me here in Hawaii? I suppose, if it does, it does. But now that Monday’s come along – my second off day in a row – and I’ve decompressed from the noise and company of teenagers, I find myself again driving around town, restless and alone. Now I’m very good at ‘alone.’ But not that good.
I’m still finding it difficult to want to make new friends. Want is the key word there. My friends, my family, my community – they were never the problem. I was. They didn’t need fixing. I did. So, as the adage goes, if it ain’t broke, don’t find new friends to tempt you to settle in a place where your old ones fade into the background of your life. Like a sunset. This whole situation remains an experience of personal growth. There are certain things I love about life here – the sun for sure, and the ocean, and the people. But it’s nothing to romanticize or envy. I would still take 43 degrees in Seattle with my family over 86 on a drop of land in a vast ocean. Miss you all. Still.