I was one of those people who said not to panic. About two months ago, one of my boarding students anxiously asked me, “Do you think Coronavirus is going to come here? Do you think it’s going to kill us all?” To him, I said, “No – I’ve lived through a number of these outbreaks. It won’t make it here, and if it does, we will be fine.”
I thought, like the ocean, the wave would fall no further than the shore. I never dreamed it would come inland, flooding life, sweeping masses to their end, halting people in their homes, and ultimately being that voice so many of us placate or refuse to acknowledge.
What is that voice telling us? …
To this day, I still maintain the sentiment I shared with my student, though my prediction of the disease was way off. It is here. It is everywhere. I was wrong. Worry does not elude me as I shelter-in-place, but I do have the luxury of being symptom-free with more time to fulfill my responsibilities than I did pre-pandemic. I know most of you are not in the same wa`a (canoe).
So, I’m not in a state of panic, and in this clearing, I can afford to reflect. More than – not instead of – asking myself what my next worry is, I’m asking myself a much more profound question, one I’ve been asking at every crossroads of my life: Who am I? Who am I in the midst of a quiet house? Who am I running on empty streets? Who am I without my physical classroom? Who am I in a collapsing economy? Most of all, Who am I surrounded by people suffering and dying, some strangers, some friends, some family? That is to say, Am I an I or am I part of a WE?
At this point, if you are trudging through your new daily life frustrated for whatever reason, a few things to consider. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. If you have it, what are you going to do with it? Most of us are still not infected with COVID-19. But the majority of us are experiencing losses that have dire impacts on our immediate futures. Layoffs, escalating bills, businesses closed, children to feed – fear, panic and uncertainty. Then there are those in different positions. Those with stocked fridges and cabinets, with a guaranteed place to live, with income, and with little to worry about other than inconvenience.
There have been reflections stating that this virus shows us that we are all equal, regardless of race, gender, economic status, religion, or any other human category. I’m afraid the only one on this earth who believes that to be true and acts upon such truth is the virus itself. We are a species of prejudice (preference) and a culture of self preservation. It is natural, and it is necessary, but it must come in balance with a cooperation and solidarity with our neighbors, our land, and for me, God. Kanaka, ‘aina, a me ka akua.
Now, I go back to all my questions throughout this post. Who am I, and what am I going to do? I am a Catholic, and I have been taught my whole life to love my neighbor as myself, and to serve the poor and vulnerable. I moved to Hawai`i to learn about aloha and `ohana; I believe that aloha is the indiscriminate act of love, which includes a fair cycle of giving and receiving grace, compassion, resources, and forgiveness. I think `ohana is what we get when we aloha.
How will that translate on my second day of shelter-in-place? I’m working on it. And I hope you will too.
There is no reply..you used up ALL the words, feelings, and realities. This is the first time i have been on the ” vulnerable” list..i have always been on the ” caregivers” side……humbling …totally uncharted territory…….but i keep asking….”what next?”…….aloha/shalom
I hear you. Being on the “vulnerable” side takes a lot of grace. Can’t even begin to unpack those feelings. Hope to have coffee or tea or breakfast with you sometime.